1 00:00:06,927 --> 00:00:10,865 So, Chantal, I did something for you. 2 00:00:10,865 --> 00:00:14,969 I filed something called an ineptitude appeal. 3 00:00:14,969 --> 00:00:18,372 Now, this is a leftover New York state loophole 4 00:00:18,372 --> 00:00:19,606 from the Prohibition era 5 00:00:19,606 --> 00:00:21,441 when people used to be paid 6 00:00:21,441 --> 00:00:23,911 to carry boxes of alcohol 7 00:00:23,911 --> 00:00:25,379 to illegal establishments 8 00:00:25,379 --> 00:00:28,582 without actually knowing what was in the boxes. 9 00:00:28,582 --> 00:00:29,950 Now, technically speaking, 10 00:00:29,950 --> 00:00:33,754 under this vague and arcane criminal statute, 11 00:00:33,754 --> 00:00:38,192 you could be considered a "boxhead." 12 00:00:40,461 --> 00:00:45,099 For the record, I never carried anything. 13 00:00:45,099 --> 00:00:48,535 Uh-huh. Yeah, I-I-I understand that. 14 00:00:48,535 --> 00:00:50,971 I--what I'm telling you is, 15 00:00:50,971 --> 00:00:53,807 I can get you out of prison. 16 00:00:54,575 --> 00:00:56,844 Oh. Whoa. 17 00:00:56,844 --> 00:00:58,879 Okay, just--hold on, Leonard. 18 00:00:58,879 --> 00:01:01,382 Things are moving really fast. 19 00:01:02,183 --> 00:01:04,118 Do you not want to leave prison? 20 00:01:04,118 --> 00:01:07,187 Well, I mean, I just got used to it, and, 21 00:01:07,187 --> 00:01:10,224 like, the food is, like, legit yummy, 22 00:01:10,224 --> 00:01:12,827 and, like, the girls here all think it's really cool 23 00:01:12,827 --> 00:01:14,628 that I did those crimes. 24 00:01:15,396 --> 00:01:17,397 Okay, you're really breaking me here. 25 00:01:17,397 --> 00:01:19,299 I j--you know what? Just-- 26 00:01:19,299 --> 00:01:22,136 all you have to do is--here. 27 00:01:22,136 --> 00:01:24,204 Sign this. 28 00:01:24,204 --> 00:01:26,573 Okay, well, could you, like, at least give me 29 00:01:26,573 --> 00:01:28,809 five minutes to ask where they got their mattresses from? 30 00:01:28,809 --> 00:01:31,078 Just sign the paper, Chantal, okay? 31 00:01:35,682 --> 00:01:36,984 I mean... 32 00:01:36,984 --> 00:01:38,786 I don't know, Leonard. 33 00:01:38,786 --> 00:01:41,121 Like, I signed my way into this mess. 34 00:01:41,121 --> 00:01:43,724 I just--I really think that I'm gonna need to get a lawyer 35 00:01:43,724 --> 00:01:46,360 to look over this before I sign it. 36 00:01:47,861 --> 00:01:50,630 I am your lawyer, you idiot! 37 00:01:50,630 --> 00:01:52,833 You know what? Just sign the paper. 38 00:01:52,833 --> 00:01:54,234 Sign the fucking paper! 39 00:01:54,234 --> 00:01:56,336 God damn it, for the love of God, 40 00:01:56,336 --> 00:01:58,238 sign the paper! 41 00:01:58,238 --> 00:01:59,340 Okay. 42 00:02:02,243 --> 00:02:04,712 I better not go to jail for this. 43 00:02:09,583 --> 00:02:15,089 ♪ Oh, but dear, the sky is low, watch ♪ 44 00:02:15,089 --> 00:02:17,591 ♪ Fluent sea men rig... ♪ 45 00:02:17,591 --> 00:02:20,060 It's just so small. 46 00:02:20,060 --> 00:02:22,930 Like, I don't even understand how we all fit in here. 47 00:02:22,930 --> 00:02:25,432 Like, is this, like, an optical illusion? 48 00:02:25,432 --> 00:02:28,468 Is there even enough oxygen to breathe? 49 00:02:28,468 --> 00:02:31,305 Yeah, I know, it's a big change, honey. 50 00:02:31,305 --> 00:02:34,308 Yeah, more like a small change, Mom. 51 00:02:34,308 --> 00:02:36,844 Well, we just have to make do, right? 52 00:02:36,844 --> 00:02:38,545 Robert! - Huh? 53 00:02:38,545 --> 00:02:39,814 What? 54 00:02:39,814 --> 00:02:42,516 Okay, what is wrong with Dad? 55 00:02:42,516 --> 00:02:43,751 The doctors don't know. 56 00:02:43,751 --> 00:02:45,352 They just speculate 57 00:02:45,352 --> 00:02:48,322 that it's some kind of situational dementia 58 00:02:48,322 --> 00:02:51,325 brought about by disturbing circumstances. 59 00:02:51,325 --> 00:02:52,660 What? Why? 60 00:02:52,660 --> 00:02:54,762 Chantal, get a clue! 61 00:02:54,762 --> 00:02:56,664 This is all because of you! 62 00:02:56,664 --> 00:02:58,632 - What... - Let's not shout, 63 00:02:58,632 --> 00:03:02,202 because we actually do not know what these walls can handle. 64 00:03:02,202 --> 00:03:03,103 No, no, Mom. 65 00:03:03,103 --> 00:03:05,405 She needs to understand. 66 00:03:05,405 --> 00:03:06,941 Your legal fees 67 00:03:06,941 --> 00:03:09,276 tapped us out completely, 68 00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:11,411 and now we are poor, 69 00:03:11,411 --> 00:03:14,782 and we all mysteriously lost our jobs for downsizing, 70 00:03:14,782 --> 00:03:17,017 but it is obvious that the real reason 71 00:03:17,017 --> 00:03:19,153 is because we have a family member 72 00:03:19,153 --> 00:03:21,789 that was stupid enough to associate 73 00:03:21,789 --> 00:03:25,492 with that bad, old man! 74 00:03:25,492 --> 00:03:27,995 We can't get hired anywhere. 75 00:03:27,995 --> 00:03:31,165 They practically chased us out of Chappaqua. 76 00:03:31,165 --> 00:03:33,668 And you did that to us, Chantal. 77 00:03:33,668 --> 00:03:35,169 You did that! 78 00:03:35,169 --> 00:03:37,738 Okay, Catherine, when you raise your voice, 79 00:03:37,738 --> 00:03:39,506 it is traumatizing. 80 00:03:39,506 --> 00:03:40,808 Oh. 81 00:03:40,808 --> 00:03:43,577 You know, and on top of everything else, 82 00:03:43,577 --> 00:03:46,280 Ted is selling drugs. 83 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,582 I'm not selling them, Linda. 84 00:03:48,582 --> 00:03:52,019 I'm microdosing, and it's a legitimate practice. 85 00:03:52,019 --> 00:03:55,756 One tab is 1/12 of a hit of LSD 86 00:03:55,756 --> 00:03:56,957 and can provide me with a wealth 87 00:03:56,957 --> 00:03:58,959 of incredible innovations. 88 00:03:58,959 --> 00:04:00,127 Believe me when I tell you 89 00:04:00,127 --> 00:04:01,561 I will invent something 90 00:04:01,561 --> 00:04:03,864 that will save our family. 91 00:04:03,864 --> 00:04:06,066 Ted, my family 92 00:04:06,066 --> 00:04:07,702 is not your family, 93 00:04:07,702 --> 00:04:10,571 and I don't feel comfortable when you say "our family." 94 00:04:11,905 --> 00:04:14,942 Chantal, is that you? 95 00:04:14,942 --> 00:04:17,177 Ugh. Yes, Daddy. 96 00:04:17,177 --> 00:04:20,047 I've been behind you for 15 minutes. 97 00:04:20,047 --> 00:04:23,283 Oh, God. Okay, this has got to stop. 98 00:04:23,283 --> 00:04:26,721 I don't like it. You guys are freaking me out. 99 00:04:26,721 --> 00:04:29,589 I am not a poor person, okay? 100 00:04:29,589 --> 00:04:32,526 I don't want to be a Witherbottom anymore. 101 00:04:32,526 --> 00:04:34,628 Oh, but honey, you are a Witherbottom. 102 00:04:34,628 --> 00:04:37,597 This isn't Witherbottom. 103 00:04:37,597 --> 00:04:39,933 It's rock bottom. 104 00:04:52,879 --> 00:04:55,850 I'm sorry. What are you doing? 105 00:04:55,850 --> 00:04:59,586 Eating, Chantal, like a family. 106 00:04:59,586 --> 00:05:00,955 Hmm. 107 00:05:00,955 --> 00:05:03,090 Uh, I don't think that you are eating 108 00:05:03,090 --> 00:05:05,325 because I don't see food. 109 00:05:05,325 --> 00:05:10,264 Sticks and rings are not food. 110 00:05:10,264 --> 00:05:12,767 I was resistant at first, 111 00:05:12,767 --> 00:05:15,670 but the nuggets have really proved themselves. 112 00:05:15,670 --> 00:05:18,472 They can be a little salty, which is why it's good 113 00:05:18,472 --> 00:05:21,942 to take a little dip into the sweet and the sour. 114 00:05:21,942 --> 00:05:23,477 It's a pleasing balance. 115 00:05:23,477 --> 00:05:26,747 Catherine, your husband is very high right now. 116 00:05:26,747 --> 00:05:28,382 - Can you just... 117 00:05:30,151 --> 00:05:32,820 Okay, I am not eating this. 118 00:05:32,820 --> 00:05:36,557 Just think of dinner time like we're at a carnival. 119 00:05:37,558 --> 00:05:39,093 I want goose! 120 00:05:39,093 --> 00:05:41,161 You've never had goose. 121 00:05:41,161 --> 00:05:43,430 Yeah, okay, and you have? 122 00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:44,598 Okay... 123 00:05:53,373 --> 00:05:56,744 It's crazy that I ate better in prison than this. 124 00:05:56,744 --> 00:05:58,412 So, Chantal, 125 00:05:58,412 --> 00:06:01,281 everyone is trying to do their parts 126 00:06:01,281 --> 00:06:04,084 to help the family out in their own way. 127 00:06:04,084 --> 00:06:07,254 Catherine is selling bus vacations over the phone. 128 00:06:07,254 --> 00:06:10,390 Linda found a way to make money off of emails. 129 00:06:10,390 --> 00:06:13,093 Mm-hmm. Every CC is 20¢. 130 00:06:13,093 --> 00:06:16,096 Robert is... 131 00:06:16,096 --> 00:06:17,998 unable to work, 132 00:06:17,998 --> 00:06:20,367 and I am busy 133 00:06:20,367 --> 00:06:22,469 challenging the frontiers of perception 134 00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:25,172 in an attempt to save us all, 135 00:06:25,172 --> 00:06:28,075 and so I think it may be up to you, Chantal, 136 00:06:28,075 --> 00:06:30,077 to begin applying for jobs. 137 00:06:30,077 --> 00:06:32,813 Oh, my friend Binda could get you a job 138 00:06:32,813 --> 00:06:35,082 at a money order service in Queens. 139 00:06:35,082 --> 00:06:37,384 And I did overhear the neighbors yelling 140 00:06:37,384 --> 00:06:40,054 about needing someone to take care of their baby. 141 00:06:40,054 --> 00:06:42,123 You could ask about that. 142 00:06:47,862 --> 00:06:49,864 No! 143 00:06:51,165 --> 00:06:54,601 I want a different life! 144 00:06:54,601 --> 00:06:58,105 And I want all of you to be different. 145 00:06:58,105 --> 00:07:00,040 I don't want to change-- I like how I am-- 146 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:02,643 but I want everything else to change! 147 00:07:03,477 --> 00:07:06,613 Excuse me from the "table." 148 00:07:44,818 --> 00:07:46,721 Why don't I feel anything? 149 00:07:50,257 --> 00:07:52,893 Dare I check the expiration dates? 150 00:08:16,250 --> 00:08:18,919 We've been waiting for you, Chantal. 151 00:08:18,919 --> 00:08:20,921 Take a seat. 152 00:08:31,732 --> 00:08:33,233 Who are you? 153 00:08:33,233 --> 00:08:35,970 You tell us. 154 00:08:38,806 --> 00:08:41,308 Oh, my God. 155 00:08:41,308 --> 00:08:44,945 Are you the most famous dead authors in the world? 156 00:08:44,945 --> 00:08:46,814 all: We are. 157 00:08:46,814 --> 00:08:49,049 We are. 158 00:08:49,049 --> 00:08:50,284 Should we go around the table 159 00:08:50,284 --> 00:08:51,485 and introduce ourselves? 160 00:08:51,485 --> 00:08:54,188 Let's let Chantal do it. 161 00:08:54,188 --> 00:08:56,957 Oh, that's a good idea. 162 00:08:56,957 --> 00:08:59,927 F. Scott Fitzgerald. 163 00:08:59,927 --> 00:09:03,330 William Shakespeare. 164 00:09:03,330 --> 00:09:05,332 Mr. James Baldwin. 165 00:09:05,332 --> 00:09:06,934 Mark Twain! Hi. 166 00:09:06,934 --> 00:09:09,236 Oh, Virginia Woolf. 167 00:09:09,236 --> 00:09:12,707 Mm, Sylvia Plath. 168 00:09:12,707 --> 00:09:14,508 Maya Angelou. 169 00:09:14,508 --> 00:09:17,812 You're, like, my biggest inspiration. 170 00:09:17,812 --> 00:09:19,947 Same. 171 00:09:23,751 --> 00:09:26,020 And wait. 172 00:09:26,020 --> 00:09:27,788 Are you R. L. Stine? 173 00:09:27,788 --> 00:09:30,124 That's right. 174 00:09:30,124 --> 00:09:31,926 I thought you were alive. 175 00:09:31,926 --> 00:09:35,162 Now there's something we need you to do for us, 176 00:09:35,162 --> 00:09:36,731 Chantal. 177 00:09:36,731 --> 00:09:38,065 What is it? 178 00:09:38,065 --> 00:09:39,867 You need to write a book. 179 00:09:39,867 --> 00:09:44,371 You need to tell the world about your mean family, 180 00:09:44,371 --> 00:09:46,841 about your jerk sister. 181 00:09:46,841 --> 00:09:49,076 She can't act like that and expect you 182 00:09:49,076 --> 00:09:50,945 not to write a book about her. 183 00:09:50,945 --> 00:09:54,614 But I don't know how to write a book like that. 184 00:09:54,614 --> 00:09:57,952 I only know how to write poems really well. 185 00:09:57,952 --> 00:10:00,420 Oh, well, we know that. We love your poetry. 186 00:10:00,420 --> 00:10:02,790 It's all we read now. 187 00:10:02,790 --> 00:10:06,526 I've burned everything that isn't your poetry, 188 00:10:06,526 --> 00:10:08,729 even the things I need. 189 00:10:09,797 --> 00:10:12,399 That's why we're here. We can help you. 190 00:10:12,399 --> 00:10:15,770 Let us speak through you, Chantal. 191 00:10:15,770 --> 00:10:18,072 You're the vessel. 192 00:10:18,072 --> 00:10:19,273 I am? 193 00:10:19,273 --> 00:10:22,910 Do the world a beautiful favor 194 00:10:22,910 --> 00:10:26,580 and express what is inside of you. 195 00:10:26,580 --> 00:10:29,984 Drink from this goblet of wine, 196 00:10:29,984 --> 00:10:32,319 and may the passage of wisdom 197 00:10:32,319 --> 00:10:34,054 be complete. 198 00:11:05,152 --> 00:11:07,487 Hey, uh, Chantal? 199 00:11:07,487 --> 00:11:09,256 Can I talk to you for a second? 200 00:11:09,256 --> 00:11:10,357 Can it wait? 201 00:11:10,357 --> 00:11:11,591 I'm kind of on a roll. 202 00:11:11,591 --> 00:11:13,594 No, it can't wait, okay? 203 00:11:15,396 --> 00:11:17,031 Look, uh, 204 00:11:17,031 --> 00:11:19,333 I have a lot of unexpressed anger 205 00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:22,236 toward you about how you handled 206 00:11:22,236 --> 00:11:23,704 my miscarriage. 207 00:11:25,306 --> 00:11:26,807 You didn't even acknowledge it 208 00:11:26,807 --> 00:11:27,975 or ask how I was, 209 00:11:27,975 --> 00:11:29,376 and it's just-- it's hard for me to-- 210 00:11:29,376 --> 00:11:31,245 Shh! 211 00:11:33,981 --> 00:11:35,983 Wow. Okay. 212 00:11:43,023 --> 00:11:45,259 Yes, yes, yes! 213 00:11:45,259 --> 00:11:48,095 Yes! Yes! 214 00:11:48,095 --> 00:11:49,997 Yes! 215 00:11:49,997 --> 00:11:52,032 Chantal, you didn't hear what I was doing 216 00:11:52,032 --> 00:11:54,334 in the other room, did you? 217 00:11:54,334 --> 00:11:57,237 No, Ted, I'm trying to focus. 218 00:11:57,237 --> 00:11:58,672 Now I'm embarrassed. 219 00:12:00,074 --> 00:12:02,509 Part of me wants to tell you what I was doing. 220 00:12:13,187 --> 00:12:14,989 I'm done. 221 00:12:14,989 --> 00:12:17,024 I did it! Ha! 222 00:12:17,024 --> 00:12:19,226 No, no. 223 00:12:19,226 --> 00:12:21,195 We did it. 224 00:12:21,195 --> 00:12:22,863 Thank you, friends. 225 00:12:22,863 --> 00:12:23,930 What? 226 00:12:25,599 --> 00:12:27,468 Fuck you. 227 00:12:34,308 --> 00:12:35,876 Well, what can I say? I read it. 228 00:12:35,876 --> 00:12:36,977 We all read it. 229 00:12:36,977 --> 00:12:38,612 I think everyone in the building read it. 230 00:12:38,612 --> 00:12:41,448 Oh, that's great. 231 00:12:41,448 --> 00:12:44,351 Yeah, it's fascinating, to say the least. 232 00:12:44,351 --> 00:12:46,420 Parts of it are extremely problematic. 233 00:12:46,420 --> 00:12:49,123 - Mm. - It's a very difficult read. 234 00:12:49,123 --> 00:12:50,424 Yes. 235 00:12:50,424 --> 00:12:53,093 I--I wanted to challenge the reader. 236 00:12:53,093 --> 00:12:54,762 Good books do that. 237 00:12:54,762 --> 00:12:56,430 No, I mean literally difficult. 238 00:12:56,430 --> 00:12:57,898 It took me eight minutes 239 00:12:57,898 --> 00:12:59,800 just to figure out how to open the lock. 240 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:00,768 Right. 241 00:13:00,768 --> 00:13:03,570 It's supposed to look and feel 242 00:13:03,570 --> 00:13:04,972 like a diary. 243 00:13:06,373 --> 00:13:08,542 But I feel like if you didn't get that, 244 00:13:08,542 --> 00:13:10,811 then you didn't even really understand 245 00:13:10,811 --> 00:13:12,780 the book that you were reading. 246 00:13:12,780 --> 00:13:14,815 Yeah, well, you know, it's unappealing. 247 00:13:14,815 --> 00:13:17,017 Right? I mean, look how ugly this is. 248 00:13:18,152 --> 00:13:19,720 And very costly, I would imagine. 249 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:22,089 I think you'd have to charge the consumer at least $65 250 00:13:22,089 --> 00:13:24,191 just to make a profit because of these materials. 251 00:13:24,191 --> 00:13:25,760 This is real leather. 252 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:28,095 It's ugly leather, but it is real, and it's heavy. 253 00:13:28,095 --> 00:13:29,629 I mean, whoo! 254 00:13:29,629 --> 00:13:30,898 You know, you can't just carry this in your bag 255 00:13:30,898 --> 00:13:32,900 or throw it in your coat pocket. 256 00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:35,269 And also, the title, right? "Imperfect Ten." 257 00:13:35,269 --> 00:13:38,472 I don't understand. What does that mean to you? 258 00:13:38,472 --> 00:13:42,342 Well, it means that my whole life 259 00:13:42,342 --> 00:13:44,311 has been a series of realizations 260 00:13:44,311 --> 00:13:46,546 that even though the common person 261 00:13:46,546 --> 00:13:49,316 might think that I am a perfect ten, 262 00:13:49,316 --> 00:13:51,585 I am indeed flawed. 263 00:13:51,585 --> 00:13:53,253 I may still be a ten, 264 00:13:53,253 --> 00:13:55,022 but I am not perfect. 265 00:13:55,022 --> 00:13:57,357 And you're just going by Chantal? 266 00:13:57,357 --> 00:13:58,959 You're a one-name person? 267 00:13:58,959 --> 00:14:01,428 Well, if that also wasn't clear in the book, 268 00:14:01,428 --> 00:14:03,097 I hate my family, so there's, like, 269 00:14:03,097 --> 00:14:05,866 no reason for me to keep my last name anymore. 270 00:14:05,866 --> 00:14:07,601 Okay, um, 271 00:14:07,601 --> 00:14:10,204 I don't think that you should be a writer. 272 00:14:10,204 --> 00:14:12,740 In fact, I ask you to never write again. 273 00:14:12,740 --> 00:14:14,608 This book is deranged, 274 00:14:14,608 --> 00:14:17,411 and not in a way that I can work with it. 275 00:14:17,411 --> 00:14:19,313 If I were to publish this, 276 00:14:19,313 --> 00:14:21,115 people would freak out. 277 00:14:21,115 --> 00:14:23,684 It would make the world a worse place. 278 00:14:29,223 --> 00:14:32,660 But I'm the one. 279 00:14:49,576 --> 00:14:52,846 You're so stupid, Chantal! 280 00:14:56,317 --> 00:15:00,587 None of your dreams are ever gonna come true. 281 00:15:00,587 --> 00:15:06,160 You're just a stupid loser idiot! 282 00:15:15,235 --> 00:15:17,604 Get back here! 283 00:15:17,604 --> 00:15:19,239 - My God! 284 00:15:19,239 --> 00:15:20,640 Is that a book? 285 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,877 Charlie? Help! 286 00:15:22,877 --> 00:15:25,345 My friend was hit by a book! 287 00:15:25,345 --> 00:15:27,314 Where did that come from? 288 00:15:27,314 --> 00:15:29,583 Oh, God. Oh, God. 289 00:15:29,583 --> 00:15:31,652 Charlie. Oh, fuck. 290 00:15:31,652 --> 00:15:34,288 Call Lorraine. 291 00:15:34,288 --> 00:15:36,190 Oh, God. Oh, God. 292 00:15:36,190 --> 00:15:38,392 She was hit by a book! 293 00:15:41,295 --> 00:15:46,366 "Imperfect Ten" by Chantal. 294 00:15:46,366 --> 00:15:49,503 I wonder what that means. 295 00:15:49,503 --> 00:15:50,705 Hmm. 296 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:02,149 Oh. 297 00:16:07,487 --> 00:16:10,324 Listen up, everybody. 298 00:16:10,324 --> 00:16:14,795 I found a book on the street, 299 00:16:14,795 --> 00:16:18,232 and it's brilliant. 300 00:16:18,232 --> 00:16:20,768 It makes me wonder if I should've been 301 00:16:20,768 --> 00:16:23,671 scouring the streets all these years, 302 00:16:23,671 --> 00:16:26,006 looking down instead of looking up. 303 00:16:26,006 --> 00:16:28,142 Let everyone else look up! 304 00:16:28,142 --> 00:16:31,679 Now, here's the kicker about this book. 305 00:16:31,679 --> 00:16:36,083 It's written by a ten-year-old little girl. 306 00:16:36,083 --> 00:16:39,286 - Wow. - It's a work of art-- 307 00:16:39,286 --> 00:16:42,890 somewhere between self-help and a manifesto 308 00:16:42,890 --> 00:16:48,128 on how to live without shame and without awareness. 309 00:16:48,128 --> 00:16:52,432 There's a passage in the chapter "Picky Eater" 310 00:16:52,432 --> 00:16:53,968 that will break your heart. 311 00:16:53,968 --> 00:16:57,604 Whoever this little Chantal is, 312 00:16:57,604 --> 00:17:00,307 she's a genius. 313 00:17:00,307 --> 00:17:01,641 Yeah. 314 00:17:41,481 --> 00:17:43,718 Are you k... 315 00:17:43,718 --> 00:17:45,319 A child? 316 00:17:48,055 --> 00:17:49,724 Wait. 317 00:17:49,724 --> 00:17:51,925 Why does it say I'm a child? 318 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:56,664 I'm Wilma. It's nice to meet you both. 319 00:17:56,664 --> 00:18:00,467 I'm Helen, and this is my daughter, Chantal. 320 00:18:00,467 --> 00:18:02,136 I'm Chantal. 321 00:18:02,136 --> 00:18:04,238 Well, I really hope that's true, 322 00:18:04,238 --> 00:18:08,042 but there's a long line of little girls out there, 323 00:18:08,042 --> 00:18:11,611 all claiming that they wrote this book. 324 00:18:11,611 --> 00:18:13,648 So, Chantal, 325 00:18:13,648 --> 00:18:17,284 if that is in fact your name, if you wrote this book, 326 00:18:17,284 --> 00:18:20,688 you would recognize your own words, correct? 327 00:18:20,688 --> 00:18:22,122 Good. 328 00:18:22,122 --> 00:18:24,859 So I'm gonna go ahead and quote from the book, 329 00:18:24,859 --> 00:18:28,228 and I want you to finish the quote for me, 330 00:18:28,228 --> 00:18:31,165 and this way, I will know if you are indeed the author. 331 00:18:31,165 --> 00:18:32,933 Kay? 332 00:18:32,933 --> 00:18:35,569 "Life is a roller coaster. 333 00:18:35,569 --> 00:18:37,471 "Time is the tracks, 334 00:18:37,471 --> 00:18:41,708 and wisdom is the..." what? 335 00:18:44,945 --> 00:18:46,513 Don't look at me. 336 00:18:46,513 --> 00:18:48,716 You wrote it, Chantal. 337 00:18:48,716 --> 00:18:52,186 Wisdom is the... 338 00:18:52,186 --> 00:18:54,855 Is the screams? 339 00:18:54,855 --> 00:18:57,124 Shame on you both. 340 00:18:57,124 --> 00:18:58,893 You are such a disappointment. 341 00:18:58,893 --> 00:19:00,627 It's no wonder that your father left. 342 00:19:00,627 --> 00:19:02,296 Excuse you! 343 00:19:04,698 --> 00:19:06,366 - What? - We found her. 344 00:19:06,366 --> 00:19:08,502 Are you sure? How can you be sure? 345 00:19:08,502 --> 00:19:09,837 Chantal, can you repeat 346 00:19:09,837 --> 00:19:12,139 what you just said to me for Wilma? 347 00:19:12,139 --> 00:19:15,575 The wisdom is the park map. 348 00:19:15,575 --> 00:19:17,011 That's right. 349 00:19:17,011 --> 00:19:18,979 That's right. The wisdom is the park map. 350 00:19:18,979 --> 00:19:20,514 Give me that phone. 351 00:19:20,514 --> 00:19:23,884 Chantal, I am so, so happy 352 00:19:23,884 --> 00:19:25,519 to have found you. 353 00:19:25,519 --> 00:19:30,024 Oh, my God, and I am so, so happy to have been found! 354 00:19:30,024 --> 00:19:31,926 - Oh, Chantal. 355 00:19:31,926 --> 00:19:34,528 I don't know if you understand 356 00:19:34,528 --> 00:19:36,463 what you did, 357 00:19:36,463 --> 00:19:40,200 but you have basically written the Bible! 358 00:19:41,135 --> 00:19:43,003 This thing is a manifesto 359 00:19:43,003 --> 00:19:47,374 on how to be a fully realized human being 360 00:19:47,374 --> 00:19:49,576 at the age of ten. 361 00:19:49,576 --> 00:19:53,781 I mean, no one has ever done that before. 362 00:19:53,781 --> 00:19:56,450 Thank you so much. 363 00:19:56,450 --> 00:19:58,118 Um... 364 00:19:58,118 --> 00:19:59,553 The only thing is that I-- 365 00:19:59,553 --> 00:20:02,857 I mean, I sobbed hysterically. 366 00:20:02,857 --> 00:20:06,326 I cried for the little girl I was. 367 00:20:06,326 --> 00:20:11,431 I cried for the girl I never got to be. 368 00:20:11,431 --> 00:20:14,601 This is a masterpiece. I mean it. 369 00:20:14,601 --> 00:20:17,437 I suppose it would mean nothing if an adult wrote it, 370 00:20:17,437 --> 00:20:20,074 but you wrote it, 371 00:20:20,074 --> 00:20:21,876 and I need you to be on my show. 372 00:20:21,876 --> 00:20:23,277 How does that sound? 373 00:20:23,277 --> 00:20:26,880 I want the world to love you as much as I do. 374 00:20:27,548 --> 00:20:29,050 Oh, my God. 375 00:20:32,586 --> 00:20:34,321 Okay. 376 00:20:34,321 --> 00:20:35,723 Okay, okay! 377 00:20:35,723 --> 00:20:37,758 Yes! Yes, I will! 378 00:20:37,758 --> 00:20:40,294 Yes, yes! She said yes. 379 00:20:40,294 --> 00:20:42,096 Chantal! 380 00:20:42,096 --> 00:20:45,265 Yes! 381 00:20:47,401 --> 00:20:49,904 This is Chantal. Leave a beep. [laughs] 382 00:20:49,904 --> 00:20:52,372 - Shit. 383 00:20:55,109 --> 00:20:56,476 Where's Chantal? 384 00:20:56,476 --> 00:20:58,312 I want to meet her before we go on the air. 385 00:20:58,312 --> 00:21:00,147 I have been trying her all day, 386 00:21:00,147 --> 00:21:01,916 and I'm--I'm gonna get her. 387 00:21:01,916 --> 00:21:03,483 This is Chantal. 388 00:21:03,483 --> 00:21:05,252 Leave a beep. 389 00:21:05,252 --> 00:21:07,187 Chantal, honey. I'm hoping you're close. 390 00:21:07,187 --> 00:21:10,024 Please have your parents call me back when they get this. 391 00:21:10,024 --> 00:21:11,659 Wilma, I know you don't want to hear this, 392 00:21:11,659 --> 00:21:13,894 but I would consider doing an audience share circle 393 00:21:13,894 --> 00:21:14,962 as a backup just in case she doesn't-- 394 00:21:14,962 --> 00:21:16,196 No. 395 00:21:16,196 --> 00:21:17,865 I promised my audience Chantal, 396 00:21:17,865 --> 00:21:19,667 and I'm going to give them Chantal. 397 00:21:19,667 --> 00:21:21,001 That's my job. 398 00:21:21,001 --> 00:21:22,970 Your job is to make sure she gets here. 399 00:21:22,970 --> 00:21:24,571 Show starts in five. 400 00:21:24,571 --> 00:21:25,906 I'm gonna go out there, 401 00:21:25,906 --> 00:21:27,775 and I'm going to introduce Chantal, 402 00:21:27,775 --> 00:21:30,077 and I expect for her to come on stage 403 00:21:30,077 --> 00:21:31,946 the moment I call her, got it? 404 00:21:39,954 --> 00:21:41,355 Hello? 405 00:21:41,355 --> 00:21:43,157 Chantal! Are you close? 406 00:21:43,157 --> 00:21:46,761 Yeah, I'm in a cab. I'm, like, three blocks away. 407 00:21:46,761 --> 00:21:48,362 Sweetie, could you please 408 00:21:48,362 --> 00:21:50,097 put one of your parents on the phone? 409 00:21:50,097 --> 00:21:53,133 I just want to check that you're actually close. 410 00:21:53,133 --> 00:21:56,603 Oh, wait. Look, yeah, here we are. 411 00:21:56,603 --> 00:21:58,172 We're here. 412 00:21:58,172 --> 00:22:00,540 We're--we're--we're pulling up to the curb. 413 00:22:00,540 --> 00:22:03,377 We're--we're getting out. Thank you. 414 00:22:03,377 --> 00:22:05,145 We're just paying the driver, so... 415 00:22:05,145 --> 00:22:06,213 Oh, thank God. 416 00:22:06,213 --> 00:22:07,581 Okay, there's unfortunately 417 00:22:07,581 --> 00:22:08,983 not enough time for you to meet Wilma 418 00:22:08,983 --> 00:22:10,584 before the show, but don't worry. 419 00:22:10,584 --> 00:22:12,119 We're gonna prep you about everything you need to do 420 00:22:12,119 --> 00:22:13,888 once you get here, so hurry, Chantal. 421 00:22:13,888 --> 00:22:15,455 Run. 422 00:22:24,931 --> 00:22:27,735 Okay. 423 00:22:31,205 --> 00:22:32,472 All right, y'all. 424 00:22:32,472 --> 00:22:34,574 When that applause light comes on, 425 00:22:34,574 --> 00:22:36,777 I want y'all to lose your damn minds. 426 00:22:36,777 --> 00:22:38,178 You hear me? Right. 427 00:22:38,178 --> 00:22:39,579 As long as that light is on, don't stop. 428 00:22:39,579 --> 00:22:41,749 Keep going, keep clapping. That's right. 429 00:22:41,749 --> 00:22:44,218 And you are not allowed to stop applauding 430 00:22:44,218 --> 00:22:46,086 as long as that light is on. 431 00:22:46,086 --> 00:22:47,655 Okay? Okay? 432 00:22:47,655 --> 00:22:49,489 Okay? Okay? Yeah. 433 00:22:49,489 --> 00:22:50,557 All right. 434 00:22:50,557 --> 00:22:52,092 All right, here we go. 435 00:22:52,092 --> 00:22:54,094 Let's practice. Show 'em that light. 436 00:23:03,303 --> 00:23:05,005 That's what I'm talking--yes! Yes! 437 00:23:05,005 --> 00:23:06,340 Even more. Even more. 438 00:23:06,340 --> 00:23:07,407 I can feel it. You got some more in you. 439 00:23:07,407 --> 00:23:08,976 I want to make it sound like 440 00:23:08,976 --> 00:23:09,977 the animals just broke out of the zoo! 441 00:23:09,977 --> 00:23:10,978 Give it to me! 442 00:23:10,978 --> 00:23:12,346 Ooh, Lord have mercy. 443 00:23:20,788 --> 00:23:22,456 Okay. 444 00:23:22,456 --> 00:23:23,958 Hello. 445 00:23:23,958 --> 00:23:26,293 Um, I'm Chantal. 446 00:23:26,293 --> 00:23:28,896 But--are you her mom? 447 00:23:28,896 --> 00:23:33,633 No. I'm... her. 448 00:23:33,633 --> 00:23:35,335 But you're old. 449 00:23:35,335 --> 00:23:37,938 I'm 29. That's hardly old. 450 00:23:37,938 --> 00:23:39,406 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 451 00:23:39,406 --> 00:23:41,175 I can't believe this. - We're about to go live. 452 00:23:41,175 --> 00:23:43,043 She's not a child. She's an adult. 453 00:23:45,012 --> 00:23:47,181 Oh, Jesus. Oh, no. 454 00:23:47,181 --> 00:23:49,784 Oh, no. We have to tell her. 455 00:23:49,784 --> 00:23:51,518 We can't let this woman 456 00:23:51,518 --> 00:23:53,387 go out there on live television. 457 00:23:53,387 --> 00:23:55,155 Well, I can't tell her. Wilma will kill me. 458 00:23:55,155 --> 00:23:57,892 She will actually kill me. You tell her. 459 00:23:57,892 --> 00:24:00,127 I absolutely am not gonna tell her. 460 00:24:00,127 --> 00:24:02,629 I can't lose my job, Frankie. You do it. 461 00:24:03,898 --> 00:24:05,632 I quit. 462 00:24:05,632 --> 00:24:07,267 I quit. 463 00:24:20,147 --> 00:24:23,651 And now I have the honor of introducing 464 00:24:23,651 --> 00:24:26,220 a very special guest-- 465 00:24:26,220 --> 00:24:29,056 a hero, a friend, 466 00:24:29,056 --> 00:24:31,025 a child. 467 00:24:31,025 --> 00:24:32,292 Chantal! 468 00:24:44,705 --> 00:24:46,607 Do we have her? 469 00:24:48,742 --> 00:24:50,678 Oh, maybe she's shy. 470 00:24:50,678 --> 00:24:52,379 You know how kids are. 471 00:24:52,379 --> 00:24:54,815 Even prodigies get shy. 472 00:24:54,815 --> 00:24:57,251 Let's make her feel welcome. 473 00:24:57,251 --> 00:24:58,853 Chantal! Chantal! 474 00:24:58,853 --> 00:25:02,323 Chantal! Chantal! Chantal! 475 00:25:22,276 --> 00:25:24,111 I'm sorry. What's happening? 476 00:25:25,746 --> 00:25:27,447 I'm Chantal. 477 00:25:27,447 --> 00:25:30,651 I don't think so. No. 478 00:25:30,651 --> 00:25:31,919 Frankie? 479 00:25:31,919 --> 00:25:34,188 Frankie, who is this adult woman? 480 00:25:34,188 --> 00:25:35,756 I--I can explain. 481 00:25:35,756 --> 00:25:38,459 I hope you can explain where Chantal is. 482 00:25:39,260 --> 00:25:41,562 She's right here. 483 00:25:44,531 --> 00:25:47,567 Ten years old or not, my book spoke to you. 484 00:25:47,567 --> 00:25:48,736 Right? 485 00:25:48,736 --> 00:25:50,637 You had an emotional experience, 486 00:25:50,637 --> 00:25:53,640 and that's--that's really all that we can ask for in life, 487 00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:57,211 is an emotional experience that--that changes us. 488 00:25:58,012 --> 00:25:59,046 Fuck you. 489 00:26:02,249 --> 00:26:03,851 I'm sorry. 490 00:26:03,851 --> 00:26:08,388 I have not used that word in 35 years, 491 00:26:08,388 --> 00:26:11,025 but I'm so full of rage right now! 492 00:26:11,025 --> 00:26:13,728 You tricked me to receive acclaim. 493 00:26:13,728 --> 00:26:14,995 I didn't mean to. 494 00:26:14,995 --> 00:26:16,964 I truly was just trying to find my purpose, 495 00:26:16,964 --> 00:26:20,267 like, you know, a sense of belonging in the world, 496 00:26:20,267 --> 00:26:23,103 and isn't that what we all want? 497 00:26:23,103 --> 00:26:24,872 Wilma, even you? 498 00:26:24,872 --> 00:26:29,143 Some sign that we're, like, even here on this Earth 499 00:26:29,143 --> 00:26:31,145 for a reason? 500 00:26:31,145 --> 00:26:33,147 So maybe I'm not ten. 501 00:26:33,147 --> 00:26:35,449 Maybe I haven't been ten for 19 years, 502 00:26:35,449 --> 00:26:39,319 but I know what it is to have your heart stomped on, 503 00:26:39,319 --> 00:26:41,055 and I know what it is to feel like 504 00:26:41,055 --> 00:26:42,657 the whole world is against you, 505 00:26:42,657 --> 00:26:45,726 because you know what, Wilma? 506 00:26:45,726 --> 00:26:48,429 I am Chantal. 507 00:27:08,082 --> 00:27:10,851 Stop it. Stop clapping. 508 00:27:10,851 --> 00:27:12,119 Don't clap! 509 00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:14,054 Everybody, stop clapping for her. 510 00:27:14,054 --> 00:27:15,890 No, let them. 511 00:27:15,890 --> 00:27:19,860 They want to. They know what's good. 512 00:27:23,998 --> 00:27:25,499 She's a fraud. 513 00:27:25,499 --> 00:27:27,601 Stop clapping, everybody! 514 00:27:27,601 --> 00:27:30,871 I will not stand for this kind of entitlement 515 00:27:30,871 --> 00:27:32,472 on my stage. 516 00:27:32,472 --> 00:27:33,741 This is preposterous. 517 00:27:33,741 --> 00:27:36,243 Who do you think you are? 518 00:27:36,243 --> 00:27:39,246 Honestly... 519 00:27:39,246 --> 00:27:40,848 myself. 520 00:27:42,249 --> 00:27:46,787 Honestly, myself. 521 00:27:48,322 --> 00:27:51,091 Honestly, myself. 522 00:27:51,091 --> 00:27:52,359 Not guilty. 523 00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:55,095 Honestly... 524 00:27:55,095 --> 00:27:56,831 myself. 525 00:27:56,831 --> 00:27:59,734 Honestly, 526 00:27:59,734 --> 00:28:00,768 myself. 527 00:28:01,969 --> 00:28:04,438 Honestly, myself. 528 00:28:04,438 --> 00:28:07,808 Honestly, myself. 529 00:28:09,143 --> 00:28:10,644 Honestly, myself. 530 00:28:10,644 --> 00:28:13,447 Chantal, who are you hiding from? 531 00:28:13,447 --> 00:28:15,650 Honestly, 532 00:28:15,650 --> 00:28:18,052 myself.